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poems Thoughts Uncategorized

i told myself

I told myself so many times not to touch the light 
For fear of losing what I had with me 
But when I approached the flame, bright 
I finally saw what I wanted to see.  

All my memories faded into the white light 
All those unforgettable tales and fights 
They were all gone, and all that was left was you 
And I thought, “Where is this going to?” 

I told myself not to tell all the things I wanted to say Because I was scared and I didn’t want to see who I thought I was 
But, as a thought came to me, I told them anyway 
And out came the real me, without any fuss.  

All my emotions flowed out as words 
Words untold for so many years 
They flew out of me as birds, 
Birds in the form of my unshed tears.  

I used to tell myself I couldn’t be myself in front of them And that I couldn’t do it anyway.  
But here I am, laughing again, 
Saying all the things I wanted to say.

ˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆ

Everyone.

Here’s what I have to say.

Be yourselves, even if people don’t accept you. You have to accept yourself for others to accept you.

Love yourself. It’s better to be hated for who you are, than to be hated for who you pretend to be.

Love yourself and everone around you, like what Jesus did to his persecutors.

Thanks for the inspiration @fayannswearing !

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poems Thoughts

My Dear Friend

Dear my friend, how are you now? 
Remember those days we got into trouble together, got scolded together? 
My old friend, where are you now? 
Remember those days we used to play 
Hide and seek under the moonlit sky? 
My old friend, I’m fine here,  
I’ve got so much to tell you, 
All about my life and wanderings, 
All my written works and songs.  
I miss you, my dear friend, I hope you’re fine.  
I hope you aren’t alone and sad.  

My old friend, something happened today: 
A fight, then I came home wounded and hurt. 
My old friend, I hope the same doesn’t happen to you.  
Do you remember the arguments, the hurts and pains we had together? 
My old friend, I miss you so much.  
My old friend, snow’s falling on my world.  
Why does it have to be so sad?  
Why did you have to go there, where I couldn’t find you? 
My old friend, the cold rain is soaking me, dripping through my lonely form on the road.  
I miss you my dear friend, 
I wish you were here with me, telling me about your day.  
My old friend, I hope you aren’t six feet under the ground, where it is all loneliness and desolation.  
I hope you’re happy with your life there, enjoying yourself and possibly other acquaintances.  
My dear friend, goodbye, I have to go now.  
My dear friend, goodnight.  

ˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆ

One afternoon in September last year, I sat by the window and two songs came into my head: Dear my friend by Agust D, and My Old Friend by Unique Salonga.

This pandemic makes one miss so many friends and family, no?

I remembered how life used to be before COVID-19, carefree and happy. Then, a few days after writing this up, I saw a window in the distance, with no lights for several days now. Then came that feeling: is the person living there okay? There was also that thought that one is always continuously terrified of: “What if my friends or family- Are they okay-?

Then I video-called the two group chats I was in. Thank God everything and everyone was alright!

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poems Thoughts

swallowed up in sadness

I wanna cry, I wanna shout, 
Run around and scream.  
I open my mouth, but no sound comes out— 
Just these feelings, frightful and mean.

Just myself that scares me, 
I don’t know what it is.  
I want others to understand and see, 
But they’re drowning in their bliss.  

There’s a bag of stones in my heart, 
Makes me wonder how it came. 
Makes me pick up the shard  
On the floor, and let it go, all the same.  

I wonder if the accident that came a day ago 
Could me be in the white car? 
Maybe in a week or so 
I will escape to darkness far.  

I get up, only to fall down again, 
Then drop wordlessly on the floor.  
I just want to see my friends 
And run outside, past the door. 

Here I am trapped in a box 
With a heavy feeling in my heart 
Eventually, I tear at the locks 
Of my hair, and wish it didn’t start.  

Why did this ever begin? 
When will it end? 
Why is my life suddenly thrown in a bin, 
And my heart distorted and bent?

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

When emotions take over you, it’s overwhelming.

Especially when they tell you to give up on the things you’d normally agree to and work hard for.

So many questions.

So little answers.

It’s just life.

Like our ancestors, we must move forward to where we want to be. For the people coming after us, so they can stand on our shoulders and grow.